If you were dying and could only eat one candy, what kind should it be?
Lifesavers.
Why did the jellybean go to school?
Because he wanted to be a Smartie.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn't peeling very well.
What did one plate say to the other?
"Dinner is on me tonight."
Why was the Coke bottle arrested?
Because he was drunk.